PKD & My Faith

I had a conversation today with someone regarding my PKD and my faith. It was interesting because on my walk to work I realized that there is so much brokenness in me. Most of my actions stem from pride. I think I have a lot to say, when in actual fact, there isn’t much good that I do have to say. Everything I say comes from me and my brokenness. I may know a little bit, but nothing like the wisdom that I think I spout.

And I have seriously hurt at least two women in my life. And I was realizing how much I had hurt them with my words. And I feel as though there is nothing I can do to make up for those words spoken years ago. How do I take back hurt? How do I fix hurt feelings and cutting someone to the quick? I still carry around careless words that have been tossed at me by others. Words they have probably long since forgotten and hadn’t even realized when speaking them that I would keep them and hold them and pull them out every once in a while to analyze them.

Well, about my PKD and my faith… I had mentioned that I need to talk with my priest about getting permission to at least keep hydrated by drinking some water while fasting before communion. She was quite horrified to think that I would allow myself to be hurt physically to follow my beliefs. I know she was acting out of concern, and I hadn’t really thought about what she had said until we discussed it again. At which point I said that I am in the process of learning how to live out my faith with PKD. I could easily use my disease as an excuse to get out of following what the Church asks of us. I could rationalize saying, “Well, because my iron levels are low and I need protein but have to watch my potassium levels, I need to eat red meat during lent still.” That’s not entirely true. I can get my iron from other sources. I can get my protein from other sources. It’s just difficult to learn what I can and cannot eat. I’m having to learn what is in the food I eat and how it affects me. I can no longer just sit back and stuff my face with whatever I want and thank God that he made me so that my body will figure out what to keep and what to throw away.

I live in a society that is self-serving and demands instant gratification. It is through following the advice of the Church that will help me. That, and the Grace of God – because I cannot do this on my own.