I had a dream this morning. In my dream, God was asking me to die for Him so that many would come to know Him. But I was arguing with God, saying, "Who is going to be there for my children, then?"
For a while I've sensed that God is asking me to let go of my children. To trust Him and be willing to obey Him more than my love for my kids. This is really hard to actually do. Oh, I can say that I love God more, but when it really comes down to it, I hold onto my children very tightly. They really do mean the world to me. And with my polycystic kidney disease, I worry sometimes that something could happen to me and my babies would be without a mother.
But the real question is, "Do I trust God enough to believe that even if I am not able to, He will take care of my children?" I don't know. My response leads me to believe that I do not. So how do I get to the point where I can really let them go? How did I get to the point where I was happy being single (before I was married)? I don't know.
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