Success?

A friend of mine mentioned that when she was younger she dreamed of being a housewife. I never really dreamed of the housewife part, but I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. There were many other professional things I would think about. I thought of being an optometrist. I wanted to go to Oxford University after watching Rob Lowe in Oxford Blues. It had always been assumed I would go to university after high school since I got such good grades.

It’s funny how life doesn’t always turn out the way others plan it for you. Or the way I had envisioned, for that matter.

Being in the Orthodox Church, the lingo is that we are all on a journey. And in the process of finding a new building for our community, our priest has repeatedly reminded us that the process (the journey) is more important than the project. Sometimes I find he is much wiser than I initially gave him credit for.

I feel as though my journey has taken a fairly wandering path. I went to Bible College instead of University. Many people there thought that I was destined for great things. I know my grandparents always thought I would be educated and successful. I’m not sure I’ve met their expectations.

The world defines us by the job we do, or the education we have. I’m still working on my definition of success. Sometimes I buy into the world’s definition. By that definition, I am a real estate legal assistant. I don’t have an actual degree in anything. I have my high school Diploma. I have a Diploma of Christian Ministries from a college that doesn’t exist anymore. I have a Legal Administrative Assistant Diploma from a business college. But what do those diplomas mean, really? It means I had parents who kept me in school until I graduated. It means I struggled through classes on my faith trying to figure out who I was and what I believed. It means I am good at office work. But does any of it really define me?

I have wants and dreams. Some realistic. Others not quite so. I haven’t listed them in a while. Let’s see what they would look like today.

Adelle’s Wants/Dreams List (in random order):

Become a lawyer
Travel to many places including Ireland, Israel and Australia
Be a foster mom
Have children who grow up to be confident, independent and loving
Speak to groups of people
Be the kind of person that shows Christ to others
Write stories
Act/Perform on stage
Be an ideal weight and feel healthy
Not have PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease)

Some of what I want I am unable to express in words. When I first began to truly follow Christ, I wanted so much. I wanted to have the heart of David, the wisdom of Solomon, and to see God as Moses did. And I wanted the gift of prophecy. I know. A little lot arrogant. I’ve had others say to me that I was expecting far too much. And it’s not as though I think I will achieve all any of those things. But I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. And, really, those are still the things I am drawn to. But as I get older, I’m also a little afraid that I would be any of those things. When I catch glimpses of the heart of God, I weep uncontrollably. When I spout words of wisdom, I fear that I will be proud and think it is of my own doing. And to see God - well, there is a song that brings me to tears at that thought. A couple songs, actually. One is “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me

and the other is “Better is One Day” by Matt Redman


So, by definition am I successful? I don’t know. But I am on a journey.