After I post an entry (or sometimes before I post), I have Bruce look it over and give his opinion. Typically he tells me he thinks it’s good to which I say, “Are you sure?” and he says, “Yes, I’m sure.” Last night he expanded on his response. He commented that I am very hard on myself in my writing. I had never thought of my writing as being hard on myself. I thought of it more as being realistic. I am full of flaws. I also relate more closely to seeing the glass as half empty rather than seeing it as half full. Although, surprisingly, when speaking with others I tend to try to always point out the good characteristics in other people – especially if the conversation is becoming very negative. And (in non-Orthodox circles) I've been told I have the gift of Encouragement.
I took a counselling class in Bible College. It was very enlightening. One of the lessons I pulled away from that course was that it takes seven positive words to overcome one negative word. I tried telling my son about that, but he wouldn’t believe me. I'm hoping one day he will understand. There is power in words. Our teacher said we have all heard the rhyme
Sticks and stones may break by bones
But names will never hurt me!
which is completely false. Words do hurt. Words can bring life. Words can kill.
Am I killing myself? I don’t think so. But it is definitely easier to articulate all the horrible things about me than to list the wonderful things. Maybe I’ll have to do an “I’m-so-great-and-this-is-why!” post.
Or, maybe not.
3 comments:
Hey sweetie. And just when I think no one is reading my blog. :)
Words, and the stories (read lies or twists on reality) we tell ourselves do have power. And they also show our shadows and our beliefs. Bruce may be pointing out to you something you aren't aware of in yourself. Or not.
We are all full of flaws. And it's funny how we can be more forgiving and encouraging to others while less forgiving or tolerant of ourselves. I have to remind myself multiple times a day that I am God's child and through Christ I am complete. In myself, I am so not complete, but that is where the words play a role. When I forget Christ, I am in myself. I am flawed and incomplete and wretched. When I am in Christ, I am covered by His sacrifice and am whole.
Does that make sense?
And yes, names do hurt. And the negative has a deep and immediate impact that the positive needs to work harder to heal.
I am struggling with a paradigm shift at the moment regarding seeing myself 'in Christ.' I had a friend point out that in the Protestant world, we are striving to achieve perfection by clinging to Christ and his sacrifice. It's like we are working toward being what God would have us be. But she pointed out that in Orthodox thought, we are already perfect. Being in the Image of God means the perfection is already there. It is just marred by death.
I've made the leap of understanding that Christ's sacrifice doesn't save us from sin, his sacrifice saves us from death. Sin is the symptom; Death is the cause.
I'm still working through the thought that because I was made in the Image of God, I am already perfect. But I still am very "Western" in my thought, sometimes.
I'm hoping to read some more Orthodox books to see if I can understand better, but am reading some other stuff right now.
I will think on what I tell myself. I understand self-fulfilling prophecy. But sometimes I think it's a little like the idea of time travel. The more I want to change something, the more I keep it on the same path.
I think it's somewhere in between the Western and Orthodox mentalities. I took a course a few years back based on some of Neil Anderson's works, and he is very Western in his logical mind, but pointed out very clearly that in Christ, we are already perfected. Still wrapping my mind around all of that.
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