Law School - January Blues

I get my exam handed back to me and look at the mark. Then I hide it. Deep breath. I thought I did better than that. Where did I go wrong?

When we go through the exams, I see at the end the prof made a positive comment about my being able to spot all the issues. It is application I am having trouble with. Darn it! That was the same problem I had with my open memo. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I seem to get application?

Unfortunately this took me into the depths of despair (well more like a mud puddle of sadness) for the first few weeks of January. In that time we had Dispute Resolution Week, which was good, for someone suffering from lack of self-confidence. It was good to see that law has the opportunity for negotiation and the possibility of having win-win situations instead of there being a winner and loser all the time. There was one disappointment for me, though. We saw a film about the slimy practice of some lawyers. It was about being ethical in your practice. However, as I was waiting for something bad to happen or a negative result for these lawyers, it ended with them coming out good in the long run. I was disappointed to think that it is really true that lawyers can push the line on what is fair and right and get a better result than someone who is maintains their integrity. It made me realize that I will probably not be a financially successful lawyer. I intend to keep living and working the way I try to now - openly and honestly.

In this quagmire of emotions, I have a discussion with my profs. They are still really encouraging. They really do want us all to succeed, and I even think some of them believe I will do well. Maybe my struggle is because I already work in a law firm. I see the law from the assistant view and the outcome. But what we are learning is not about the outcome. It is about how we get to the outcome.

I used an analogy to one of my profs about my struggle to understand application. For years I couldn’t see the old woman in the picture which has both the old woman and the young woman in it, depending on how you look at the picture. No matter how many times my mom tried to show me the old woman, I just didn’t get it. Then one day years later I looked at the picture and thought, “OH! There she is!” My prof said that is a good way to put it. I am still waiting to see the old woman in the picture of law school.