Self Analysis

I keep looking forward to the next week, thinking that it won't be as busy as the one I am in. However, it seems as though when the next week becomes my this week, I'm running around just as busy and disorganized as I have been all along.

And you would think with all this busy-ness that I would have so much to write. And I usually think I do have a lot to write, but then when I actually have a moment to sit at the computer to compose a lengthy discourse, the words simply don't come.

In general the last while I've been fighting with my desire to do my absolute best and my ability to accomplish all that I need to get done (or at least all that I think I need to get done). At work I have a review coming up, and was given some evaluation questions to answer about myself. It has really had me thinking about myself -- my strengths and weaknesses. I'm afraid that everything I think is a strength, I can also see how it's a weakness. For example, I tend to be an over-achiever/perfectionist. This can enable me to complete a task with great accuracy and detail; however, if it requires speed, that may become an issue. I also have extremely high standards for myself, which can translate into my relationships with others and I wonder why everyone doesn't expect to always give the very best they have to offer. I've already mentioned about being an organizer and a pack rat and how the two just don't seem to mix very well.

I've also realized again recently that I still have a temper and that if I don't keep it in check all the time, it can blow up in my face. I really need to watch how loud I am sometimes. Where is the balance between venting appropriately and inappropriately?

I will say, though, that I've been pleased with the way I've been dealing with my son when he's doing something that's driving me crazy. I made a decision that if I feel as though I'm losing my temper with him, I'm going to stop and give him a hug. He is such a touchy person that I know that he really loves being hugged. And he craves attention (he is a people person) so then he knows he has my attention. I think it has made a difference. He is always telling me that he loves me, but he was telling me the other day that he's really glad that I'm his mommy. That made me feel really special and like maybe I'm not doing everything wrong -- something has got to be right.

You know, I may not be diagnosed as bipolar, but some days I think my moods are just as crazy. And I really hate it when I'm in a mood like this where when I look at myself all I see are the bad things -- all the things that I would like to improve. The funny thing is, I would most often say that I think I can see myself fairly honestly, but I actually think that I tend to see myself more negatively than positively. Or maybe it just depends on the time of the month.