I've been at my job now for 3 months, and so I had my review. If I didn't love my job before (which I did) I sure love it now. My review wasn't all about my strengths and weaknesses (although those did come up, somewhat), but it was about practical ways to improve in areas that I think I need to improve and encouragement in that I've done a great job so far. It feels really good to know that I'm appreciated for the work I do. I really love to work (when I like what I'm doing), and I love being in a law firm.
It also helps that I think I'm finally to a point where I feel like we might be able to keep our heads above water financially. The last year and a half has been a real strain for us, and I'm just beginning to feel stability again. Although, the being appreciated and told that I'm appreciated makes me all the more excited to keep doing what I'm doing and work my hardest.
I love my job!
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Passover
I have been meaning to write since last Thursday, and have finally made it here. We celebrated Passover with our care group this year. I have to say that I'm not sure how we ever did Easter without it before. I certainly can't imagine letting Easter go by without Passover any more. It gives a whole new meaning to Easter and what Christ did for us. There is no way anyone could have orchestrated all the meaning and symbolism in a celebration for hundreds (thousands) of years before the fulfullment of that event.
I wish in the Protestant churches we would see that there is so much more to communion than we seem to give it credit. Same with baptism. We relegate it to a mere representation of something else and seem to discredit the amazing spiritualness of them. When I was baptised, I know that it was more than just letting everyone know that I identified with Christ. No one had told me about the importance of baptism, I just knew that I had to be baptised. And when I came up out of the water, I could tell there was something different about my relationship with God. I even had a friend say that she thought I looked like I was glowing.
There is a part of me that knows that there is more to communion as well. But I've heard so often about how we remember that Christ told us to remember him when we take communion. But we won't go so far as to say that the bread and the wine (grape juice) becomes the blood and body of Christ in any way. And a part of me thinks that it's kind of gross to think that the elements would actually turn into flesh and blood -- but here is where I think there is something more and I'm missing the point. I want the understanding of what Jesus truly meant when he took the middle piece of matzah, which was broken, and passed it telling us to remember him, broken for us. And I want to truly know when he said the cup of sanctification was his blood poured out for us, what that means now. And I feel as though I lack understanding of how to truly prepare myself to receive communion. I believe, and I think I understand, the sacrifice that was made, that had to be made, by Jesus Christ. But how can I ever be truly prepared to take communion, even knowing that?
I wish in the Protestant churches we would see that there is so much more to communion than we seem to give it credit. Same with baptism. We relegate it to a mere representation of something else and seem to discredit the amazing spiritualness of them. When I was baptised, I know that it was more than just letting everyone know that I identified with Christ. No one had told me about the importance of baptism, I just knew that I had to be baptised. And when I came up out of the water, I could tell there was something different about my relationship with God. I even had a friend say that she thought I looked like I was glowing.
There is a part of me that knows that there is more to communion as well. But I've heard so often about how we remember that Christ told us to remember him when we take communion. But we won't go so far as to say that the bread and the wine (grape juice) becomes the blood and body of Christ in any way. And a part of me thinks that it's kind of gross to think that the elements would actually turn into flesh and blood -- but here is where I think there is something more and I'm missing the point. I want the understanding of what Jesus truly meant when he took the middle piece of matzah, which was broken, and passed it telling us to remember him, broken for us. And I want to truly know when he said the cup of sanctification was his blood poured out for us, what that means now. And I feel as though I lack understanding of how to truly prepare myself to receive communion. I believe, and I think I understand, the sacrifice that was made, that had to be made, by Jesus Christ. But how can I ever be truly prepared to take communion, even knowing that?
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
My Birth Son's Birthday
Today is my birth son's birthday. I can hardly believe how much time has flown by. There really is nothing like seeing a child grow up to let you know how fast the years go. In some ways it feels as though it wasn't that long ago. On the other hand, it almost feels as though it was a whole lifetime away. I can hardly believe all that has happened between then and now. And I never could have imagined that everything would have turned out the way it did.
I am so glad that I chose adoption. I am so glad that I am still a part of his life. I am so glad that God can work out so much good in situations that seem as though they could be so bad.
I know someone who is thinking of adopting, and I know someone who is thinking of placing for adoption. In talking with both of them, I have come to the understanding that I believe the reason why adoption turned out so well in my situation is because both me and the adoptive parents put God first. We both really wanted what God desired and didn't put ourselves first. I think that's the key. And it's probably the key for more than just in adoption. I just need to remember that all the time -- in the small things as well as the big things. After all, there is truth in that if we are faithful in the little things, then we will be faithful in the big things, too. Of course, sometimes when it comes to the big things, I'm scared beyond belief. It's nice to just have the little things. It's nice to know, though, that I can be trusted with the big things - even if it is scary.
I'm thinking these thoughts are a little scattered. I'm really tired, but I knew if I didn't sit down right now that I would not get around to mentioning such a momentous event (the birthday of my birth son). He is really such a blessing. Him and his whole family. God is good.
I am so glad that I chose adoption. I am so glad that I am still a part of his life. I am so glad that God can work out so much good in situations that seem as though they could be so bad.
I know someone who is thinking of adopting, and I know someone who is thinking of placing for adoption. In talking with both of them, I have come to the understanding that I believe the reason why adoption turned out so well in my situation is because both me and the adoptive parents put God first. We both really wanted what God desired and didn't put ourselves first. I think that's the key. And it's probably the key for more than just in adoption. I just need to remember that all the time -- in the small things as well as the big things. After all, there is truth in that if we are faithful in the little things, then we will be faithful in the big things, too. Of course, sometimes when it comes to the big things, I'm scared beyond belief. It's nice to just have the little things. It's nice to know, though, that I can be trusted with the big things - even if it is scary.
I'm thinking these thoughts are a little scattered. I'm really tired, but I knew if I didn't sit down right now that I would not get around to mentioning such a momentous event (the birthday of my birth son). He is really such a blessing. Him and his whole family. God is good.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Self Analysis
I keep looking forward to the next week, thinking that it won't be as busy as the one I am in. However, it seems as though when the next week becomes my this week, I'm running around just as busy and disorganized as I have been all along.
And you would think with all this busy-ness that I would have so much to write. And I usually think I do have a lot to write, but then when I actually have a moment to sit at the computer to compose a lengthy discourse, the words simply don't come.
In general the last while I've been fighting with my desire to do my absolute best and my ability to accomplish all that I need to get done (or at least all that I think I need to get done). At work I have a review coming up, and was given some evaluation questions to answer about myself. It has really had me thinking about myself -- my strengths and weaknesses. I'm afraid that everything I think is a strength, I can also see how it's a weakness. For example, I tend to be an over-achiever/perfectionist. This can enable me to complete a task with great accuracy and detail; however, if it requires speed, that may become an issue. I also have extremely high standards for myself, which can translate into my relationships with others and I wonder why everyone doesn't expect to always give the very best they have to offer. I've already mentioned about being an organizer and a pack rat and how the two just don't seem to mix very well.
I've also realized again recently that I still have a temper and that if I don't keep it in check all the time, it can blow up in my face. I really need to watch how loud I am sometimes. Where is the balance between venting appropriately and inappropriately?
I will say, though, that I've been pleased with the way I've been dealing with my son when he's doing something that's driving me crazy. I made a decision that if I feel as though I'm losing my temper with him, I'm going to stop and give him a hug. He is such a touchy person that I know that he really loves being hugged. And he craves attention (he is a people person) so then he knows he has my attention. I think it has made a difference. He is always telling me that he loves me, but he was telling me the other day that he's really glad that I'm his mommy. That made me feel really special and like maybe I'm not doing everything wrong -- something has got to be right.
You know, I may not be diagnosed as bipolar, but some days I think my moods are just as crazy. And I really hate it when I'm in a mood like this where when I look at myself all I see are the bad things -- all the things that I would like to improve. The funny thing is, I would most often say that I think I can see myself fairly honestly, but I actually think that I tend to see myself more negatively than positively. Or maybe it just depends on the time of the month.
And you would think with all this busy-ness that I would have so much to write. And I usually think I do have a lot to write, but then when I actually have a moment to sit at the computer to compose a lengthy discourse, the words simply don't come.
In general the last while I've been fighting with my desire to do my absolute best and my ability to accomplish all that I need to get done (or at least all that I think I need to get done). At work I have a review coming up, and was given some evaluation questions to answer about myself. It has really had me thinking about myself -- my strengths and weaknesses. I'm afraid that everything I think is a strength, I can also see how it's a weakness. For example, I tend to be an over-achiever/perfectionist. This can enable me to complete a task with great accuracy and detail; however, if it requires speed, that may become an issue. I also have extremely high standards for myself, which can translate into my relationships with others and I wonder why everyone doesn't expect to always give the very best they have to offer. I've already mentioned about being an organizer and a pack rat and how the two just don't seem to mix very well.
I've also realized again recently that I still have a temper and that if I don't keep it in check all the time, it can blow up in my face. I really need to watch how loud I am sometimes. Where is the balance between venting appropriately and inappropriately?
I will say, though, that I've been pleased with the way I've been dealing with my son when he's doing something that's driving me crazy. I made a decision that if I feel as though I'm losing my temper with him, I'm going to stop and give him a hug. He is such a touchy person that I know that he really loves being hugged. And he craves attention (he is a people person) so then he knows he has my attention. I think it has made a difference. He is always telling me that he loves me, but he was telling me the other day that he's really glad that I'm his mommy. That made me feel really special and like maybe I'm not doing everything wrong -- something has got to be right.
You know, I may not be diagnosed as bipolar, but some days I think my moods are just as crazy. And I really hate it when I'm in a mood like this where when I look at myself all I see are the bad things -- all the things that I would like to improve. The funny thing is, I would most often say that I think I can see myself fairly honestly, but I actually think that I tend to see myself more negatively than positively. Or maybe it just depends on the time of the month.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The Power of Words
Words that heal,
Words that steal.
Life and death
held by the tongue
Such a small part
of a large body
can kill
or bring Life.
Seek the wisdom
of thought before action,
Thinking before speaking.
Two ears to listen,
One mouth to talk.
What does that say?
Adelle Anderson
I wrote this about 6 years ago, but I didn't write the date on it.
Words that steal.
Life and death
held by the tongue
Such a small part
of a large body
can kill
or bring Life.
Seek the wisdom
of thought before action,
Thinking before speaking.
Two ears to listen,
One mouth to talk.
What does that say?
Adelle Anderson
I wrote this about 6 years ago, but I didn't write the date on it.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
A Heart for Children
A Heart for Children
One hundred years from now
It will not matter
What kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank
Nor what my clothes looked like.
One hundred years from now
It will not matter
What kind of school I attended,
What kind of typewriter I used,
How large or small my church,
But the world may be
. . . a little better because . . .
I was important
in the life
of a child.
I don't know who wrote this poem. I don't even remember where I got it from. But I really like it.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
About My Last Post
I've been thinking about my last post and have gone back to re-read it a couple of times wondering if I should edit it or delete it. It was one of those moments when I generalized everyone, and I know that it's not everyone. I also know that it's not uncommon when talking with people that a general consensus seems to be that Christians do not tip very well. I've also noticed that somewhere along the way we've lost understanding about the reasons why we are still on this planet -- especially in North America (or at least Canada).
My "stuff" doesn't matter. I don't need to have a T.V., DVD player, new car (although one that's working would be nice), two closets full of clothes (just for me), a house full of toys, movies, books, food, etc. And it seems as much as I get rid of, I manage to collect just as much stuff. And I know I'm not alone. As much as I have, I know people who have more stuff, or better stuff. And I'm not saying that we can't enjoy what we have, or that we can't have nice stuff. There are many people in the Bible who were blessed materially by God. What I mean is "What Am I Doing With My Stuff?" How do I view it? Is it mine? Have I earned it? Do I deserve it? NO! Everything, and I mean everything, I have is from God. Just as he gives, he could take away. Look at the tsunami. Some people lost everything. That could happen to me, too. (well, maybe not a tsunami, seeing as it would have to wipe out half of Canada before it reached here -- but some other sort of disaster)
And when it comes to money, you can really tell what a person's values are. If you look at where a person spends their money and their time, you will see what matters the most to them. It doesn't matter what a person says, it's what they do that is the true indicator. It just seems like we've missed the point the Bible was trying to tell us. The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. (I Timothy 6:10) Be content with what you have. If you have extra, why are you holding onto it so tightly? We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. (I Timothy 6:7)
I said it before, and I'll say it again -- Relationships will last forever, Stuff will not. So if you are keeping your money to buy more "stuff", why not think about investing it into people instead? If your church reaches out to people, give your money there. If your church doesn't reach out to people, maybe it's because you aren't giving your money so they can't. If you do give to your church, maybe even over and beyond, think about giving into the life of a child. I have sponsered Compassion children for many years, and have not regretted it. I also have never lacked for what I've needed and am still able to make that commitment.
I guess my point is we are not on this planet to hoard all the blessings that God gives us. While we need to be wise with our money, it should not rule us, nor should it dictate our behaviour. Giving is great and very freeing.
My "stuff" doesn't matter. I don't need to have a T.V., DVD player, new car (although one that's working would be nice), two closets full of clothes (just for me), a house full of toys, movies, books, food, etc. And it seems as much as I get rid of, I manage to collect just as much stuff. And I know I'm not alone. As much as I have, I know people who have more stuff, or better stuff. And I'm not saying that we can't enjoy what we have, or that we can't have nice stuff. There are many people in the Bible who were blessed materially by God. What I mean is "What Am I Doing With My Stuff?" How do I view it? Is it mine? Have I earned it? Do I deserve it? NO! Everything, and I mean everything, I have is from God. Just as he gives, he could take away. Look at the tsunami. Some people lost everything. That could happen to me, too. (well, maybe not a tsunami, seeing as it would have to wipe out half of Canada before it reached here -- but some other sort of disaster)
And when it comes to money, you can really tell what a person's values are. If you look at where a person spends their money and their time, you will see what matters the most to them. It doesn't matter what a person says, it's what they do that is the true indicator. It just seems like we've missed the point the Bible was trying to tell us. The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. (I Timothy 6:10) Be content with what you have. If you have extra, why are you holding onto it so tightly? We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. (I Timothy 6:7)
I said it before, and I'll say it again -- Relationships will last forever, Stuff will not. So if you are keeping your money to buy more "stuff", why not think about investing it into people instead? If your church reaches out to people, give your money there. If your church doesn't reach out to people, maybe it's because you aren't giving your money so they can't. If you do give to your church, maybe even over and beyond, think about giving into the life of a child. I have sponsered Compassion children for many years, and have not regretted it. I also have never lacked for what I've needed and am still able to make that commitment.
I guess my point is we are not on this planet to hoard all the blessings that God gives us. While we need to be wise with our money, it should not rule us, nor should it dictate our behaviour. Giving is great and very freeing.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Christians Are Cheap
I was talking with a lady who used to waitress and she was saying how much she hated working on Sundays and that she would rather do the bartending or count cash than deal with customers in the restaurant on Sundays.
I've noticed that a lot of Christians go to restaurants after church on Sundays. I've also noticed that I'd much rather share a meal at a restaurant with non-Christians than with Christians. That sounds so bad, but it's the truth. I'm embarrassed to be associated with such misers. Let me try to explain.
Sometimes when I shared a meal with Christians (at a restaurant), everyone makes sure that they get separate bills (usually after the waitress has already brought the one huge bill to the table) or try to make sure everything is calculated down to the last penny (including the tip -- if they feel so led to give one) to make sure they are not overpaying in the slightest.
When I go with a group of non-Christians, I've found that everyone just sort of throws in some money in the middle and figures out approximately what they would get back. And if it's a group that gets together often, sometimes one person puts in a little more, and the next time someone else does. It's not a big deal if you don't get every cent owing to you.
I feel that way when I go for coffee with friends, too. If I get the bill -- or they get the bill -- I'm not keeping tabs of who paid last. It all works out in the end. And if it doesn't - so what? The money isn't mine, anyway. I don't get to take it with me to heaven. And if there is fellowship around the table, isn't the money worth the investment into relationships which is eternal? People last forever, money doesn't.
I've noticed that a lot of Christians go to restaurants after church on Sundays. I've also noticed that I'd much rather share a meal at a restaurant with non-Christians than with Christians. That sounds so bad, but it's the truth. I'm embarrassed to be associated with such misers. Let me try to explain.
Sometimes when I shared a meal with Christians (at a restaurant), everyone makes sure that they get separate bills (usually after the waitress has already brought the one huge bill to the table) or try to make sure everything is calculated down to the last penny (including the tip -- if they feel so led to give one) to make sure they are not overpaying in the slightest.
When I go with a group of non-Christians, I've found that everyone just sort of throws in some money in the middle and figures out approximately what they would get back. And if it's a group that gets together often, sometimes one person puts in a little more, and the next time someone else does. It's not a big deal if you don't get every cent owing to you.
I feel that way when I go for coffee with friends, too. If I get the bill -- or they get the bill -- I'm not keeping tabs of who paid last. It all works out in the end. And if it doesn't - so what? The money isn't mine, anyway. I don't get to take it with me to heaven. And if there is fellowship around the table, isn't the money worth the investment into relationships which is eternal? People last forever, money doesn't.
Monday, March 07, 2005
How Do I Love Thee?
Let me count the ways:
You make me laugh
You teach me
You care for me and our kids
You support me
You honour me
You are intelligent
You are creative
You make me feel like the luckiest woman alive
You love me
Happy 40th Birthday, Honey. I love you.
You make me laugh
You teach me
You care for me and our kids
You support me
You honour me
You are intelligent
You are creative
You make me feel like the luckiest woman alive
You love me
Happy 40th Birthday, Honey. I love you.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Today Is a Good Day
Today has been a good day. It's funny, because it had the potential of not being a good day. At work this morning my computer froze up and I couldn't start it at all. And the man in our office who could help me get it working again wasn't going to be in until late. So I went and used his computer instead. And since his computer is in an office, I actually found that I got quite a bit accomplished this morning (it helps when I'm not answering phones or talking). That made me feel really good (getting the work done).
Then I told my boss how much I appreciate that he gave me a chance and hired me, and he totally complimented me and my abilities. That felt really good, too.
And tonight I went for coffee with a friend of mine, and she let me know how much she values our friendship (I love her tons, too) and that made me feel better than anything else.
It has been a great day.
Then I told my boss how much I appreciate that he gave me a chance and hired me, and he totally complimented me and my abilities. That felt really good, too.
And tonight I went for coffee with a friend of mine, and she let me know how much she values our friendship (I love her tons, too) and that made me feel better than anything else.
It has been a great day.
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