So the post I was going to do this morning and the post I am doing now are probably of a different flavour. I was going to post earlier, but then I had to go in to work, so I'm just at it now.

Let me start at the beginning.

I got up this morning (albeit later than I had intended) really tired and groggy from going to bed so late last night. I am not a morning person. But I had a cup of coffee and then started to read my Bible. I'm reading Isaiah because yesterday as I was praying I could totally relate to Isaiah saying that he was a man of unclean lips.

At any rate, I was reading Isaiah this morning and when I went to lay down with my kids I was thinking about the way God treated the Israelites. And I was thinking about how God has treated me. And I came to a realization. As I was lying there, asking God about the differences in relationship, I realized that when I first became a Christian, God treated me as a child. An infant, even. I could yell and kick and scream and throw temper tantrums if I wanted to. He had the patience and love to deal with it.

You see, I had asked about the whole "respect" thing versus "friendship". In Isaiah there is an expectation of incredible reverance for God. And here I talk with him so casually and naively (and sometimes even backtalk - like I'm a spoiled brat). I haven't been showing that kind of respect, reverance and awe that he deserves. But now I'm getting older and my relationship is changing. It's like I'm moving into an age of more independence. Which seems really funny because I feel like I'm needing more dependence, not independence.

I don't know that I'm making much sense here. It's not like God is to become more distant. The goal is actually exactly the opposite - my desire to be closer to God. But in the growing closer - in the growing, period - there is an awareness that God is so much more than just a "Daddy" or a "Friend." He is holy. He is awesome. He is more than my head can wrap around. Who am I to be so arrogant as to think THE living God will grant my requests? And yet, he does. And he honours my honesty in seeking him and being with him.

When I was a child, I thought like a child; I reasoned like a child. But now that I'm a woman, I've put childish ways behind me. God desires for us to grow in our relationship with him and to attain a level of maturity in our faith so that we can know him even more. Just as he knows us. Wow. What a thought.