Last week we decided to take a last minute trip to go visit Bruce's parents since it was his last week off work. It was a really good time. I'm so glad we went.

Now is the beginning of the way things were. The only thing is, I'm wanting to change. I've decided that I'm going to go to bed earlier at night and get up earlier in the morning. I want to spend time with Bruce and with God before the kids are awake.

I realized yesterday at church that when the Holy Spirit comes on me, I can't help but cry. I feel so silly and make myself stop, but I wish I didn't. I wish I had the freedom to just allow God to work in me, even in public. I also find I can't talk and my breathing changes. It's so out of control, and I hate being out of control. Yet, I want more of God. I've said before about our theme at church is "Draw Me Closer", and that is SO how I feel.

Ever since I've been a Christian, there have been aspects of the Christian life that I have wanted, have truly desired. I (in my innocence) asked for the wisdom of Solomon, the heart of David, and to see God's face like Moses. I also asked for the gift of prophecy (seeing as it was one of the greater gifts and Paul says we should desire these). Now I look at these and think, "How bold!" I wanted it all. Then I've spent the last how many years not seeking after these things. I thought I was being too proud and not humble enough if I wanted it all. But I've come to a place again where I DO want it. These are the things my heart desires. I don't care if I never speak in tongues (although it would be nice). But a part of me is afraid. I've seen God doing these exact things in my life - and it's not an easy road to walk down. It's not a comfortable place to be. I am drawn and hold back at the same time.

Lord, give me the strength to keep on. Help me to break down the walls I have that keep me from you. Release me from whatever it is that holds me back and stops your work in me! You are holy. You are holy. You are holy, Lord God Almighty.

May God bless you and your family today as you are reading this. I pray that as you go through your day that God will make himself ever known to you and draw you closer, too. Amen