The First Day

So..... today is the day. I have my first dialysis treatment in a few hours.

First, I just have to say that I feel as though I have the most amazing and wonderful people surrounding me and my family. THANK YOU for all your support, whether it has been here or on Facebook or in person. I hold onto the encouraging words that are given to me like a life line. You have no idea how helpful they are.

Second, I am not sure if I am nervous, anxious or downright terrified about what I am going to experience this evening. I keep saying that I know, intellectually, that everything is going to be okay. But it is kind of like when I want to say something in a group or in class, and there is that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. And generally, in spite of that feeling, I put up my hand to say something anyway. If I just plow through it, then it’s done and I can move on. That is a little how I am viewing tonight. No matter how my stomach feels, I’m going to put out my arm and plow through it.

Today is only a two hour treatment. Eventually I will be doing four hours a session, three times a week. Someone likened it to a part-time job. Yeah. Sort of. But apparently I will be able to do school work through the process, so that’s good. Maybe it’s a good thing that I have been working while going to school. It gave me practice at time management. :)

An hour before my treatment I have to put a cream on my arm to numb it. I have been told they will put two needles in my fistula access (I had the surgery for my access last year in April). I tried taking a picture of my arm to show you the fistula, but it doesn’t show up very well. My arm looks lumpy where they joined the artery and vein together. And “the lumpy” has been getting bigger over the months – which is good and normal, I am told.

I’ll have to bring my own blanket. And my books to read, of course. I was wondering what I was going to do in the summer when I don’t have school work, but then realized that between the TV shows I want to watch and the books I want to read for fun, I should be okay for a while. And a friend said if I ever wanted company, she would be more than willing to come visit. An excuse for visiting..... I can live with that! Do you think they’ll let me arrange parties at the clinic, too? I always say I’m looking for excuses to have a party. Maybe not so much today, though. Or the next few weeks. I am supposed to start feeling better in a month or so.

If I feel up to it, I’ll let you know how I’m doing after my treatment.

PS – I hate needles.