I love these kinds of games. I remember visiting a friend who had Myst and I’m afraid I totally ignored her because I was playing the silly computer game. I know it’s a little late, but I’m really sorry for doing that to you (you know who you are). So I’m trying to only play it after the kids go to bed so I’m only ignoring Bruce. *embarrassed* The only problem is, I have some other stuff I need to do, too. Some stuff is getting done – like I helped clean some of the kitchen the other night. But I have boxes from the garage that I need to go through that are sitting in the kitchen and living room, and I have minutes to finish typing up and get out to parish members. We had a retreat this weekend at church. Fr. Joseph W. Copeland from Yakima, Washington - Holy Cross Church came and spoke to us regarding Returning to Paradise. It was very interesting and I, personally, thought it was much better than the Nativity Retreat we had. Bradley Nassif spoke to us in December. And he had a lot of good information to give us. But the difference between him and Fr. Joseph was that Fr. Joseph breathed God. I don’t know how else to explain it, really. And while I think I understood what Fr. Joseph was telling us, I’m not sure I can live it. I’d like to, but I lack the drive/desire/determination. I am far too prideful and selfish and lazy. I mentioned to a lady in our parish that I am those things, and she was kind enough to say that she doesn’t see that. Do you know what, though? The deeper I dig into Orthodoxy, the more I realize how far from the mark I am. I still want to see God, but am afraid that I never will. I still want to be wise, but realize how foolish I really am. I want to have the heart of God, but realize my pride and selfishness stand in the way. And while a part of me would like to just give up and call it hopeless, the other part of me is too stubborn to throw in the towel.
I really need to read the lives of the Saints and the writings of the Church Fathers.
And about the food thing – I haven’t really started over again per se. But I am walking to work again. My portions have still been large, and I’m eating more sugar foods than I should. I think I need to WANT to change. I’m comfortable with my eating habits, and having food be my comfort. And, I’m lazy and undisciplined.
*sigh*
I hope you don’t read this thinking that I’m beating myself up and think that I’m the worst person in the world. I’m not. I know everyone has his or her struggles. And whether we like to admit it or not, we are all proud. I get that now. We are all motivated by pride in one form or another. It’s good at hiding. It’s hard to be truly humble.
I am truly glad for the Grace of God.
3 comments:
Don't be discouraged about the diet- the secret is to not diet but to realize that our eating habits are destructive and to change them bit by bit until we've developed a life-long habit. Diets don't work, but life changes do; you know that from what you are learning spiritually. I can tell you've made many small changes in your life, and it's better, isn't it? Same thing goes for making healthy changes. Change what you can in a way you can live with from now on. Don't worry about the little failures; you're not changing something for a day- you are changing your entire life.
Thanks. I know I'm not "dieting" and have not been thinking of it like that. But it is hard to completely change the way I'm eating, which is what the surgeon seemed to suggest that I need to do (don't eat after 7 pm, no desserts, no second helpings, smaller portions, more exercise, etc.). But maybe what I need to do is change one of those things at a time instead of trying to do it all at once. It just seems that when I cheat - I cheat a lot and not just a little.
For me, the way to change bad habits is to develop new ones. It's hard, because we're such creatures of habit, but if we create a habit that overtakes the old one, we can win! Yes, sometimes we 'backslide' but if we're headed in the right direction when we get up, we'll be one step closer to the goal. The thing that will defeat you in this is discouragement. If you give up, blame yourself, or let your faith be defeated in any way, you are in trouble.
Take heart! You are as good as your next decision! You have people who love you and want to help you! You can do anything you set your heart to do! If necessary, set your goals 10 minutes at a time, and celebrate your victories as they come. Don't wait for 'weigh in'- rejoice each time you pass up that extra bread or sweet. You must live from victory to victory- not each weigh in to weigh in, because you will have more victories than failures that way. You are going to win!
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