Neopets

I haven't posted here for a long time. All my free computer time has been spent at Neopets. One of the games I've been playing is this:

Sutek's Tomb

Busy, Tired, but Doing Well

I've been asked how I'm doing and I've been saying, "Busy, tired, and good." Life has been crazy, and I was thinking my life always seems crazy. I'm not sure I can think of a time when it hasn't been going at 100 miles per hour. Although this last week or two has seemed especially so. A brief recap:

I did some shopping for Brendan for school, including a Spiderman lunchbag that I hope he enjoys. He saw it and reacted very appropriately, so I think I made a good choice.

My sister and brother and I went through some of my mom's stuff and I managed to clean out some boxes out of the garage. There's still a lot to do, but it's getting done.

I've been going for walks with a friend and her dog. We go to the off leash site which is really nice because we walk at our pace and her dog runs all over the place. And it has some really pretty flowers to look at.

Our yard was used for a garage sale this weekend. A friend wanted to have it here, so we said sure. Brendan had the idea to have a lemonade stand where he gave away free lemonade. He had the idea and his sister was the cute one who sat and helped people get their lemonade. I also made some cookies and rice krispie squares to go with the lemonade. His sign said, "Free Lemonade. Tipps Welcome." They made more money than I thought they would. Especially since after lunch they had totally lost interest in their stand and were playing in the back yard or in the house. People still took the lemonade and, as far as I could tell, most paid something for it. Every once in a while one of the kids would come running down the driveway to help people, and I think they had enough fun that they would be willing to do it again.

This week looks as crazy as last so far. BBQ, Children's Ministry Meeting, walks (which I love to go on. It's a great way to hang out with friends and use the excuse of exercise!)

Speaking of exercise, I'm needing to do a lot more of it. I'm supposed to lose weight (just like the rest of North America). Apparently the more fat on my body, the more chance of infection when I have a kidney transplant. And while I realize that may be years away, yet, I love eating sugar and I'm not getting any skinnier.

But right now I'm exhausted and I have to work in the morning. So while there's probably more to say, and what I've said already may have been put more eloquently, I'm signing off for tonight. Good nite.

Hi Janet

This is for you. I have had good intentions of blogging, but always seem to get stuck at Neopets instead. I'm addicted to that site. It's so bad that I've gotten to the point that I've e-mailed some links to myself at work because I don't have Flashplayer installed, so I can't explore the whole of Neopia. How sad is that? My favourite game is called Sutek's Tomb and it's really quite mindless. You try to get three of more of the same symbols in a row to delete them. The more combinations you make, the more points you get. I'm not even sure what the point is, because the game keeps going no matter how well you do. There is a wild character that if it gets to the bottom of the rows, it clears the whole screen, but then it just fills up and starts again. How silly. I'll never win.

Quick overview of my last four months:

1. My mom's estate matters are hanging over my head and I need to get my butt in gear to finish it off. I'm not sure why I'm procrastinating so much.

2. I have a burning desire to go to law school. I have absolutely no idea how to turn this dream into a reality, and I keep asking God to take it away from me if it's never going to happen. I realized the other day that it's been almost ten years since I first thought I'd like to go to law school. When will someday be today?

3. We are almost ready to put up the kids' playset* in the back yard. Most of the rust painting is done. Just one piece needs to be touched up and then we can try to figure out how to assemble it so that no one kills themselves because it falls to pieces as they are playing. I don't want any dead kids in my backyard. Particularly my own. I'm kind of attached to them. They are awfully cute.

4. I have been biking to work. Partly because it's the only exercise I do, and partly because I'm cheap and hate to pay $1.20 a litre for gas. There was a slight glitch a couple weeks ago, though, when someone stole my bike from the backyard. It was my own fault. I didn't put it in the garage overnight because I was lazy. So someone came through our back gate, hopped on and rode away. Didn't even bother to close the gate behind them. Can you imagine? How inconsiderate! Anyway, I figured they must've needed it more than I did, so I drove that day, but walked to work the next. I actually figured that walking to work would probably be better for me because it's harder and takes longer, so I might actually get in shape and could pretend that I was training for the marathon that I fantasize about participating in some day. It didn't last long, though. I had offers from four different people to give me a bike, and so now I have a bike for work. It's actually really nice and cuts out five minutes of biking time. I'm spoiled. I think I may walk in the winter, though, if the lady I was getting a ride with decides to take the bus.

5. I don't have a garden this year. The guy who was supposed to rototill it didn't get around to it, so I've just been doing weed control. But I have the awesome-ist sunflower that grew by itself in the middle of my garden. It's one of those huge ones, but instead of just growing one humungous flower, I have hundreds from one stalk. I really need to make a point of getting out there to take a picture 'cuz it's just so cool. The way I get around to doing things, though, I won't be surprised if it doesn't happen. *big sigh*

6. I finally apologized to my neighbour for yelling at her last year. Things still aren't great between us, though.

7. We've been camping and ran into a friend and her kids at the lake. The kids had a blast and it was the most fun we've had camping. It makes me realize how much energy we really spend on entertaining our children while we are out there. Oh, and we went camping with some other friends and realize that we are truly Pike lake people. No real roughing it for us. I like running water.

8. Brendan has been reading up a storm. We made a reading chart for him which he needed to fill to get a big prize. At the end of each line he got a treat, but after 48 stickers we gave him a scooter. He absolutely loved it! I was so excited to give it to him. Now there's no interest in his bike, it's all about the scooter now.

9. I've had good news about my kidneys. They are staying stable but my doctor is going to begin the process of preparing me for kidney transplant once my kidneys fail. I'll be going to a clinic that will be able to teach me more than I know, and I'm to begin talking to family and friends to find out if anyone is willing to be a live donor. It's not anything imminent, so it's not like I'm going to receive a transplant next year. But it's a positive step for me since half of PKD patients go into kidney failure by the age of 50, and another 70% or 80% by the age of 70. And if I can have a live kidney transplant, I may not have to go on dialysis. That's what I'm afraid of the most. Well, that and rejecting a donated kidney, but let's not think of that now. The only really "negative" thing my doctor said is that the surgeons will look at me and say I need to lose fat. I guess the more fat you have on your body, the more chance of infection. *sigh* ya, that's going to be easy. Maybe I need to look more seriously at that marathon.

So that's mostly the overview, I think. At least some of the highlights. We're still attending two churches. School is coming up quick and we have to get school supplies. I love my job. Bruce likes being at home. Overall, life is great. I just don't have as many hours in a day as I would like.

I miss you, Janet. Hope you're doing all right.

*Someone gave us a playset earlier this summer. It was rusted and the smaller plastic pieces need to be replaced (the ladder and the swing seats). We're going to replace the swing seats with wood and the use rope for the ladder.

I wrote this last week.

Mark 3 - while I was reading I became overwhelmingly sad at verse 24 on talking about a kingdom being divided. It took me many tries to get through this section. The last while I have been overcome with sadness at points. When I think of "The Church" (not being analytical thinking, just thoughts that come) it is as though the sadness of God comes and He is so sad that His children are fighting and are not working together. This is not what He had in mind.

Also, Mark 3:33-35 when Jesus' family comes to him, he does not give his mother the same respect that the Orthodox give her, but instead says in verse 35, "for whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother."

We are not standing because we are divided.

Church was really good yesterday. I had started the day with dread at the thought that I would be going to church with the kids on my own, but Bruce ended up feeling well enough to come with us. But that’s not the only reason why it was good.

Usually at the Orthodox Church our kids tend to be distracting and it’s hard to pay attention to the liturgy. We normally let them bring a toy and a book to keep themselves occupied during the two hour service, and they often have to be reminded to be quieter and not distract others, as well. When they get bored they want us to hold them, and they are not little babies anymore. However, yesterday, for the first time, both our kids went willingly to other people in the church. I think it was the first service where I was able to actually listen to most of what was going on. Was that ever nice.

Then I was talking with someone at Living Hope Church about the fact that the Orthodox Church is, in some ways, more kid friendly. When she asked why, I amended that statement to say it is kid friendly in a different way. The Orthodox Church is trying to be more community oriented. Since there aren’t pews, the kids aren’t limited to sitting in one spot and are fairley free to roam as long as they aren’t being very distracting. And if they start to get out of hand or need some help, almost anyone is willing to step in and don’t just give the parents a look like they should be getting their kids under control. Now, that doesn’t mean that no one at Living Hope does that. There have been many times when I am wandering around the church in search of my kids because I have no idea where they are but I know that they are being played with or looked after. It’s during the service time that there is a difference. And, to be honest, I think my kids are getting better at knowing how they are to behave in church. There was a point when I thought I was always going to have hooligans in church, but they’ve actually come a long way. (I’m just hoping that now that I’ve said this we don’t have a disastrous experience the next time we’re at church where they are running around all over causing major mayhem)

I had also had a chance to chat with someone about how Bruce and I are working things out by going to both churches. I think it helps when I'm trying to not be so antagonistic about everything in the Orthodox service and instead try to see it as a form of worship. And I'm glad that I finished "The Way." I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is Protestant unless they are totally disillusioned with the Protestant church and want to hear someone tear it down (in a completely unfair fashion). I'm looking forward to hear what Fr. Bernard thought about the book and the reasons why he gave it to us. I'm also looking forward to telling him what I thought about it.

Yesterday was a good day. We were able to relax and yet still get some stuff done that needed to be done for a while. I like days like that: where you feel as though you’ve done some work but still had fun.

I haven’t finished book “The Way” yet. I’m over half way, but I’m bogged down and can’t seem to read it quickly. Part of it is because I’m frustrated that it’s not telling me anything about Orthodoxy. Not really, anyway. It’s tearing down Protestantism in order to make the case for Orthodoxy. The author has lost my respect and I’m having a hard time listening to what he has to say. I don’t want to hear why something is wrong to justify why something else is right. If the priest’s intentions were to make me feel more positively about the Orthodox Church, this wasn’t the book to give me.

When I’m in the catechism classes, I can see how my arguments for what I believe can be shot down. And I can see where the priest is coming from. But part of what I believe is from my experience, part of it is from what I know, and most of it is on faith. And I don’t know how to explain faith. It’s not the rationalistic part of me, and I can’t really defend it in an argument. I just know what I know, and maybe what I know is faulty, but I don’t think God has abandoned me for it. Just like God hasn’t abandoned me when I haven’t read my Bible faithfully, or fasted regularly, or made quiet times to pray, but pray on the go all the time. I even know he hasn’t abandoned me when I don’t hear Him.

I’m really used to hearing God talking all the time. The last while I’ve realized that I haven’t been hearing as much, and I want that back. And I wonder why I don’t hear, but if I really think about it, I think I know why. For quite a while now (years, in fact) God has asked that I fast and make quiet times to pray, which I haven’t done. It’s disobedience through procrastination. Like Paul says, “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”(Rom. 7:15)

Just like every time I stop journaling for a while and then try to sit down and write some of my thoughts, I am overwhelmed with all that has happened and am unsure of where to begin. So, I’m just going to jump in and not start at the beginning.

Bruce and I have been taking introduction to Orthodoxy classes the last couple of weeks. We have known we would be taking these since the beginning of the year. When we first thought we were going to take them, it was before my mom died. A lot has happened since then.

Since I have been back home, I don’t feel as though I’ve accomplished much. I’ve been working and doing all the regular routine things. There are many things that take up our time, and many things I let waste my time.

I’ve reached a point of complete tiredness again. Lately I’ve had low self-esteem and am worried about being lazy or people thinking horrible things about me but not telling me. I also feel like withdrawing and not doing anything. None is true, of course. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like that.

Back to the Orthodox thing. I’m reading a book called “The Way – What Every Protestant Should Know About the Orthodox Church” by Clark Carlton. I’m only on chapter 3, but the point has already been made that Orthodoxy is the only Church, it is a completely different religion from Protestantism, and now that I am reading this book and taking classes about what Orthodoxy is, if I don’t become Orthodox I will be judged more harshly because “the truth” has been revealed to me and to reject the Orthodox Church at this point would mean that I am rejecting Christ himself. Not a good thing to come to a realization about when I’m already feeling like crap.

It doesn’t help that I’ve also been eating everything and anything, particularly junk food. I tried fasting one day last week and someone brought doughnuts to work. Well, I lasted until 2ish before I had a doughnut. Talk about lack of self control. As if my jeans aren’t already too tight.

I should probably just go to bed. Sleep always does wonders for my outlook on life.

Random Tired Thoughts

It has been a long month with intentions of writing with little time to actually sit down to type. In fact, I'm ready to go to bed and thought I want to squeeze a few moments to type some thoughts of the past couple weeks.

We are home. It feels really good to be home. I didn't realize that I would ever get homesick, but I've never been away for more than 4 weeks before. I almost cried when we drove into the city. Of course, I also thought, "Where did all this snow come from? It's March!" Life on the prairies, I guess.

I've also been sick since we've been home. I've lost my voice and am tired. I'm supposed to be going into work tomorrow. If I hadn't been away for the last five weeks, I may have called in sick. As it is, I'd feel bad calling in sick on my first day back. Although if I'm encouraged to go home, I may take them up on the offer -- especially if I can't talk.

Our place is a disaster right now. At one point Bruce said, "Boy, our place looks like your mothers!" If you had seen my mom's place, you'd know exactly what he meant. Standing room only.

On the way back home we had a chance to see my mom's birth mom and an aunt and uncle that I never get to see anymore. I realized that it would be nice to try to take time in the summer and tent from here through to BC so that we could spend time visiting with family without it revolving around a death. I don't think it'll be happening for quite a while, though. I've been to BC three times in the last year which is way more than our budget was planning for (considering we didn't even have one trip planned).

I'm also still waiting to grieve about my mom. There have been occasional moments, but no real release. It's like I'm too tired, or there's still too much to do, or something. Oh well. It'll happen when it happens.

I don't know what I need, but I'm really wishing we had a bigger house. That or that I didn't feel compelled to bring so much of this stuff home. Why do we collect so much stuff?

Being Encouraged

Thank you to those who have prayed. Yesterday I had a really encouraging day. It seemed as though anyone I talked to had something to say that really encouraged me. I was told how strong I was and that I was doing great things. I was told that someone who matters a great deal to me was impressed with me and some of the decisions I have made. I was so afraid when I came out here that I wouldn't have a support system. Back home I know that we have people who are there who care and support us, but we are virtually strangers here and I didn't know how I was going to cope. God is good.

Today we spent it not doing much of anything about the estate. We went to church in the morning and spent the afternoon and evening with family. It was a busy day (afternoon and evening were spent with two different parts of the family), we are home late, the kids fell asleep in the car on the way home, and there is a ton of stuff that I have to do tomorrow, but it was a good day.

I feel as though I ate more today than I have in a week. I am so stuffed. There was a fund raiser lunch at the church we have been attending out here, and then for supper we went to a restaurant and I ate my whole meal. It was good, but I think I over did it. As Brendan would say, "I'm bloated!"

I still have to go through the papers, and we are getting ready for the estate sale on Saturday. All this assuming that we can have it in the apartment. I don't know what we are going to do if anyone says we cannot. Well, we'll blow up that bridge when we get to it (Bruce's saying -- I'm just borrowing it).

I'm exhausted and am going to bed. At least now it feels like we are accomplishing something and we may actually be done here by the time we head home. I'm just a little nervous because we are going to be hauling a trailer behind our van through the mountains. I'm not really looking forward to that part. But we made it this far. I'm sure we'll be just fine.

How Quickly Things Change

Well, one week after my last post, I received a call telling me that my mom had passed away. Since then I have made arrangements to take a month off work, to have a memorial service, and to start the process of managing her estate.

You know, the funny thing is that because I had been out to her place in October because of her being in a diabetic coma, I have had people say, "Well, I guess it was to be expected, eh?" Let me tell you, it was not expected. She had by all appearances seemed to be doing better and was finally getting the help she needed to manage her diabetes and get mobile again. And no one is expected to die at the age of 51.

So I go from being sad to being angry to exhausted to just trying to think of the next thing that has to be done. And I feel as though I can't think fast enough or move fast enough. Eating is one of those things that I could do without, as well. I'm not intentionally not eating -- in fact I make a point of making sure I at least eat breakfast, but I am just not hungry.

Anyway, I have to go get some more stuff done. I've just been thinking that I should start writing some of my thoughts down so I can look at them later a little more objectively. If you care, please pray. If you have been or are praying, thank you.

This Silly Thing

Okay, I realize I haven't posted for a while, but why is it that every time I leave for a while, when I come back I have problems with the way my blog looks? Arrggh!

A Belated Christmas Letter

I wrote this letter last year, and have edited it recently. It has not, as yet, been sent out to anyone:

As I write this letter, I am a little overwhelmed thinking of all that has happened to us in 2005. I keep waiting for life to slow down. In fact, the past two years have been very full. Just over a year ago Bruce and I had switched roles in the house where I went out to work full-time and Bruce became the stay-at-home parent. I had been at McDonald’s and was applying to office positions as that is what I had trained for. At the very beginning of 2005 I started working in a law firm called Benesh Bitz & Company. I work in the real estate department and love what I am doing. The firm merged with another in the summer, so now it is called Benesh Bitz McHolm, but I am still doing the real estate.

In the spring we were heading home when a van failed to yield at an intersection. I had seen out of the corner of my eye that the other van didn’t appear to be slowing down, and I had started screaming. Bruce slammed on the brakes, but we still slid as there was a lot of gravel on the road from winter. The result was a very hard impact by both vehicles on the front end, a big bounce, a meeting of the tail ends, and a final separation. Our whole family was in the van, but I was the only one hurt with whiplash, for which we are all thankful. It is also a blessing that I saw the other van wasn’t stopping in time for Bruce to put on his brakes as we figure that if we hadn’t seen, the other van would have slammed into my door, and things could have turned out a lot worse. And we got a newer van with fewer kilometers.

Just as summer began we found out that our pastor was diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer. He wrote of his struggle at dhjourney.blogspot.com. He started writing in June when he was given medical leave, and passed away in August. It was (and still is) very hard for us as he was not only our pastor, but among our closest of friends.

My grandparents also passed away in the summer. They had been heading home from church when there was an accident. It was a minor accident, but because of circumstances, they died within an hour of each other. I flew out to Abbotsford to attend the funeral where I was able to see a lot of family I hadn’t seen for a while. The common thought seemed to be that it was a miracle what happened, and God’s hand must have been in the orchestrating. I know I can’t have imagined one without the other, and I’m glad they walked into heaven together. Bruce stayed home with Brendan and Shaeleigh, although I wish they had been able to come, too. We had just been out there in May of 2004, but had only visited with a few people at that time.

We also attempted to fix part of our back fence in the summer. Besides putting one of the posts too far down in the ground and not realizing it until it was cemented, we made the fence a little crooked from the rest, and managed to make our neighbour lady really mad at us. Let’s just say that was an adventure that I don’t care to repeat, and I think anyone who puts up a good-looking fence is amazingly talented.

Brendan started Kindergarten in September and Shaeleigh started Pre-Kindergarten. They are in different schools, which makes things a little hectic for Bruce at lunch times – picking Brendan up, having lunch (at least attempting to have lunch) and driving Shaeleigh to school. Brendan seems to really enjoy being in Kindergarten, and Shaeleigh would say with great pride, “I’m a school girl now!”

It’s neat to see how they are growing. Brendan has started reading. For fun his teacher tested his reading level and discovered he is at about grade 3. He also loves numbers and is either counting or adding all the time. It keeps us on our toes. Shaeleigh seems to have a love for music and art. She draws lots of pictures and dances around our living room and at church. She has also started making up her own songs to sing. I love to listen to her.

In the Fall I made a second trip out to BC; this time to Richmond. I received a phone call that my mom was really sick in ICU, so I made arrangements to go out for a week. Her diabetes had gotten out of control which put her in a coma. At admission, her blood sugar levels were 86, so I’m just thankful that she has recovered. The day before I left, my brother went out to see our mom and stayed for a week. He hadn’t seen her for many years, and I think it was a good reunion. Then she was admitted again just before Christmas. We really need to get some sort of long distance plan because I worry about her all the time.

When the bad weather hit here in November, we ended up in another accident. We were all in the van when Bruce tried to stop on a patch of ice, and we ended up taking out a light pole. We had the option of having our new-to-us van written off or getting it fixed. We chose to get it fixed as we think we got a really good deal and didn’t relish the thought of having to go out to find another one.

So now we are in the new year, and once again I didn’t get my cards or letters out. Last year I missed getting my letter out and thought I’d send a New Year’s letter. When that didn’t happen I thought maybe I’d send one part way through the year “just because.” Well, now here we are, and I’m still typing. I’m hoping that next year will not be quite so eventful. I’m wondering what God has in store fur us, though, as we are in the process of working through Bruce wanting to be in the Orthodox church, and I would like to stay in the Mennonite church. If you think of us, please pray. Above all, we want God to be number one in our family.

All our love to you. May you have a great 2006!

Adelle (and Bruce, Brendan & Shaeleigh)

P.S. Christmas was really good. We spent it with Bruce's family. It was great to see the cousins play together. I wish we didn't live so far apart from one another. I have great memories as a kid playing with my cousins, and I wish the same for my children.