Tired and Crazy

This week has been absolutely crazy. Our office is in the process of merging with another lawyer, plus my regular work has exploded. Okay, not literally, but I have a *huge* pile of files on my desk, plus all the ones that are sitting in a row on my shelf waiting for me to get to. I have about 3 or 4 closings on June 1, not to mention the closings I have on May 30 and the ones I just had this week. Yup, it's getting to be summer time, and I hear it's only going to get busier for me.

This makes me feel really bad about all the non-work areas of my life. They are becoming sorely neglected, and I've been so tired this week. I'm not sure I've had one really good night's sleep all week -- and I do not function well at all on little sleep. I've always need a huge amount of sleep and have never understood people with insomnia. I could easily do with getting 9 or 10 hours of sleep a night. Less than 8 and I turn into a monster.

Of course, part of my tiredness is my own fault. Like last night, we (my husband, a couple of friends, and I) were developing RPG characters. I kept saying that I was going to pack it in and go to bed, and then I would be right back at it picking out a skill or figuring out some other stat. It'll be fun if we ever get around to playing. Even making up the characters was fun. We are going to be a party of 2 half giants (one is a barbarian and the other is a ranger) and a dwarf (fighter). My character is the dwarf and the guys were making fun of tossing her back and forth. She's also going to be kind of grumpy, so I'm really looking forward to it. I've never played a grumpy character. I've always been lawful good (that is my personality in real life), and she is going to be chaotic good. It's a real stretch for me, but I'm up for the challenge. I wanted to be a dwarf because I'm going to have a braided beard. We'll see what she really ends up like once we start playing.

Anyway, I should go try to get a good sleep tonight so I'll stop here. (Since I have a tendency to say that I'm going to go to bed early, and then end up staying up late for one reason or another. I really am a night person.) And the kids have been getting up in the middle of the night all week for some reason.

So, good night.

May Long Weekend

I was reminded yesterday how I've abandoned my poor blog. I've been so busy and haven't taken much relaxing time to be at the computer.

This has been a good weekend. It started with a BBQ on Friday night. Our kids had a blast playing with all the other kids there. And Saturday was rainy, but we tried to go to some garage sales anyway (didn't actually find anything worthwhile), went for my massage, checked out some pawn shops (almost as good as garage sale-ing on a rainy day), met a lady and gave her a meal before we headed back home. Overall, Saturday was fun and relaxing. Then Sunday and Monday was yard work, yard work, yard work. A friend of ours came over and tilled up our garden, the grass was mowed for the first time this year, and Bruce fixed some sprinkler heads (we didn't blow out our sprinklers until October. . . oops). A highlight was having friends over for waffles Sunday night for supper. Our kids talked about it all day today, and I had a great time, too. There's nothing quite like food and fellowship on a Sunday night.

But now it's the end of my long weekend, and back to work tomorrow. I have to say, all-in-all it's been a great weekend.

Mother's Day

I had a great Mother's Day. It was relaxing (mostly) and I got the most wonderful presents. For Christmas I had been going on and on about wanting a paper shredder (I have old bills from the early 90s in my house, still). I didn't get one at Christmas and pretty much forgot about it since then. With my birthday in December, I usually only think about getting presents one time a year, so. . .

When I opened my gift I was quite surprised to see a paper shredder. I'm so excited, but haven't used it yet. Just wait until I get to shred all that paper! Woo Hoo!

I also got Brian Doerksen's album Today. When I went to Breakforth in January, I realized that I really love the songs that he writes. And he had introduced this song and I loved it right from the beginning. I've felt for years that my motto is "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." That song is so appropriate. So now my CD is in the van and the songs run over and over again in my head. I don't have any other current Praise and Worship CD's, so I'm really enjoying this one.

I have a wonderful husband (and kids).

To Be or Not To Be (A Blessing, That Is)

I have been mulling over the idea that God is looking more for people who will be a blessing more than looking for those who want God's blessing.

God desires to give us good things. He doesn't sit up in Heaven and reluctantly say, "Oh, no! That child of mine wants a blessing. Well, I suppose I should give him one." God is a perfect parent and wants to give us so much. What parent wants to deprive their children of the things they want? Sometimes we don't capitulate to the demands of our children, but that's because sometimes what they want isn't good for them in the long run. If we let our kids eat chocolate, candies, pop and chips all day long every day, they would be sick. So we limit how much they have. And sometimes we may even encourage the healthy good things like strawberries with cream and a little bit of sugar. Sometimes the things we want are just the junk food of our spiritual lives. It's what tastes good but has no nutritional value.

So how do we incorporate into our diet the things that will make us grow? Invest into the eternal, not the temporal. People last forever. Programs will come and go. If the program doesn't make a difference in people's lives, then maybe the program needs to go. I know this isn't a new thought. But our society is so busy that we become slaves to the programs. And that's when we run the danger of asking God for blessings so that we can keep our programs running - failing to see that the program is not really being a blessing to anyone.

So how do we be a blessing instead of just asking for them? That's tough. Especially when we live in a society that desires comfort above all things. Everything we are told says that we need this or that, or need to do this or that so that life for us will be comfortable. And as Christians we've bought into it. If we aren't comfortable, we're wondering if God is mad at us. Did we ever stop to think that maybe it's when we are uncomfortable that we are being the blessing and God is pleased? Not that we need to go out and buy a bed of nails or anything like that. It's not about punishing ourselves. But it is about thinking beyond ourselves and actually caring about others even more than we care about ourselves. If it could be boiled down to one word, I think it would be "love." Love God. Love your neighbour. Love yourself. And not the lusty imitation that is used to sell every product under the sun. Real love. The kind that values. The kind that is selfless. The kind that reaches beyond us to be a blessing to others. Then our paradigm will shift. We may even find that the blessings we were asking for were nothing but junk food, and we will be able to see all the goodness God has in store for us.

Do Not Give Up the Habit of Meeting Together

I have a personal testimony about attending church.

When I was a little girl and my mom was dating my dad (not my birth father), his sister told me how wonderful it was to go to church - so I wanted to go, too. My soon-to-be dad would pick me up and take me to church. I loved God then the way that a child loves.

After my mom and dad married, I had to go to church. My parents didn't regularly attend (in fact my mom didn't want to have anything to do with church), and by the time I was a teen, I hated it. At about age 13, I told my parents I didn't want to go and they couldn't make me.

God didn't let me go, and there was Christian influence in my life still. I eventually turned to God and entrusted my whole life to him, and I loved going to church because that’s where my friends were.

When I got pregnant (when I wasn't married) I found that a lot of the people in the church were hurtful. I was so hurt that I stopped going after I had my son and placed him for adoption. There were about 2 years where I didn't even think of setting foot in a church - until God started poking and prodding at my heart about the fact that I needed to start going to church again. To be honest, I thought, "God, why would I want to go to a building full of a bunch of hypocritical, back-stabbing, gossiping people who care more about their image than about you?" But he kept insisting, so I went.

At first I was reluctant and didn't really get involved. But I have since found that the reason why he insisted that I go is because I have received love and support in my church in a way that I never would have if I didn't belong to a body of believers. There are genuine people, with real hurts and problems (just like me) who are relational, and we rely on one another. Going to church keeps me accountable in my relationship with God and is a place where I can grow.

Our society today tends toward isolation and individualism, but we weren't created to be that way. And I think that's why God desires that we not give up meeting together.

This is Shaeleigh and our friend's dog, Blue. At first our kids were afraid of her, but after a while Shaeleigh was quite brave and the two of them were having fun playing keep-away.