Feelings and the Wind

I should feel really grateful. But I don't. I am grateful, but I just don't feel it.

When we got our other van, I was really excited and kept talking about what a blessing it was and how much God has given us. Now we've come through a major accident, no one in our family was seriously hurt and we have a new van. I can intellectually see the blessings, but my heart isn't pouring out gratitude. I can verbally acknowledge that God is amazing and has given so much more than I even deserve.

I'm sitting here thinking, and it's funny how I'm in a job that requires extreme confidentiality, and yet I'm a really open person by nature. I'm not one to hold secrets.

I'm also looking out the window and am having a hard time believing the amount of snow that is falling and it is the end of April.

There are hurting people that I know, and I don't know how to help them. I guess, really, God does give me great joy and peace. And I've always thought of myself as being really low on compassion for others. Whenever I've taken spiritual gifts tests, Compassion usually comes out on the bottom. And yet, I see these hurting people and wish that I knew what to do or say. I also wish for these people (actually I wish for everyone) that they would have someone in their lives as special as some of the people I have. I have very dear friends that I know I can rely on and whom I love so dearly. And I know the feelings go both ways.

We are such relational people. And so often we base our relationships on how we feel. I wonder if that's why some people struggle so often with their relationship with God. When we base our relationship with God on our feelings, it can be as reliable as a piece of paper blowing in the wind. You don't know where it's going to take you and you're left stuck in one place if the wind stops. Or we get stuck against a fence and stop moving even if the wind is blowing.

So I guess if I take my own advice, then it doesn't matter how I "feel" about the blessings I see. Instead I will stand with my face to the wind, close my eyes and bask in the glory of the Lord.