I started getting sick yesterday, and today was full blown "sick". And I've realized again what I've known for a while; I am a sucky sick person. All I do is whine and complain. I'm worse than a man. ;-)

But more than that, I felt really bad about having to call people to let them know that I wasn't going to be able to make it. I was supposed to be at a meeting, and I was supposed to work. I'm struggling over feeling okay that I cancelled the things I was supposed to do. It's like a part of me is saying, "You're not really that sick. You shouldn't bail out like that." And yet, I could barely function today.

Since I've been thinking about whether or not I have boundary issues, I'm wondering about this guilt I feel for not being well. You know, it's almost like I think that people aren't going to believe that I really am sick. Or that they are going to say that I should have showed up anyway. Well, why does that matter to me? I know that I remember feeling that when I was a kid, but I'm not a kid anymore. And I know there is no way I would blow off work saying that I'm sick when I'm really not. So, is the beating myself up over it the justification I need to prove that I really am sick?

*sigh*

I guess I don't have the answers, but I'll keep looking into the whole boundaries issues -- especially with the guilt that I carry. Then again, maybe it's just because I'm a perfectionist. :-)