I wrote this last week.

Mark 3 - while I was reading I became overwhelmingly sad at verse 24 on talking about a kingdom being divided. It took me many tries to get through this section. The last while I have been overcome with sadness at points. When I think of "The Church" (not being analytical thinking, just thoughts that come) it is as though the sadness of God comes and He is so sad that His children are fighting and are not working together. This is not what He had in mind.

Also, Mark 3:33-35 when Jesus' family comes to him, he does not give his mother the same respect that the Orthodox give her, but instead says in verse 35, "for whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother."

We are not standing because we are divided.

Church was really good yesterday. I had started the day with dread at the thought that I would be going to church with the kids on my own, but Bruce ended up feeling well enough to come with us. But that’s not the only reason why it was good.

Usually at the Orthodox Church our kids tend to be distracting and it’s hard to pay attention to the liturgy. We normally let them bring a toy and a book to keep themselves occupied during the two hour service, and they often have to be reminded to be quieter and not distract others, as well. When they get bored they want us to hold them, and they are not little babies anymore. However, yesterday, for the first time, both our kids went willingly to other people in the church. I think it was the first service where I was able to actually listen to most of what was going on. Was that ever nice.

Then I was talking with someone at Living Hope Church about the fact that the Orthodox Church is, in some ways, more kid friendly. When she asked why, I amended that statement to say it is kid friendly in a different way. The Orthodox Church is trying to be more community oriented. Since there aren’t pews, the kids aren’t limited to sitting in one spot and are fairley free to roam as long as they aren’t being very distracting. And if they start to get out of hand or need some help, almost anyone is willing to step in and don’t just give the parents a look like they should be getting their kids under control. Now, that doesn’t mean that no one at Living Hope does that. There have been many times when I am wandering around the church in search of my kids because I have no idea where they are but I know that they are being played with or looked after. It’s during the service time that there is a difference. And, to be honest, I think my kids are getting better at knowing how they are to behave in church. There was a point when I thought I was always going to have hooligans in church, but they’ve actually come a long way. (I’m just hoping that now that I’ve said this we don’t have a disastrous experience the next time we’re at church where they are running around all over causing major mayhem)

I had also had a chance to chat with someone about how Bruce and I are working things out by going to both churches. I think it helps when I'm trying to not be so antagonistic about everything in the Orthodox service and instead try to see it as a form of worship. And I'm glad that I finished "The Way." I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who is Protestant unless they are totally disillusioned with the Protestant church and want to hear someone tear it down (in a completely unfair fashion). I'm looking forward to hear what Fr. Bernard thought about the book and the reasons why he gave it to us. I'm also looking forward to telling him what I thought about it.

Yesterday was a good day. We were able to relax and yet still get some stuff done that needed to be done for a while. I like days like that: where you feel as though you’ve done some work but still had fun.

I haven’t finished book “The Way” yet. I’m over half way, but I’m bogged down and can’t seem to read it quickly. Part of it is because I’m frustrated that it’s not telling me anything about Orthodoxy. Not really, anyway. It’s tearing down Protestantism in order to make the case for Orthodoxy. The author has lost my respect and I’m having a hard time listening to what he has to say. I don’t want to hear why something is wrong to justify why something else is right. If the priest’s intentions were to make me feel more positively about the Orthodox Church, this wasn’t the book to give me.

When I’m in the catechism classes, I can see how my arguments for what I believe can be shot down. And I can see where the priest is coming from. But part of what I believe is from my experience, part of it is from what I know, and most of it is on faith. And I don’t know how to explain faith. It’s not the rationalistic part of me, and I can’t really defend it in an argument. I just know what I know, and maybe what I know is faulty, but I don’t think God has abandoned me for it. Just like God hasn’t abandoned me when I haven’t read my Bible faithfully, or fasted regularly, or made quiet times to pray, but pray on the go all the time. I even know he hasn’t abandoned me when I don’t hear Him.

I’m really used to hearing God talking all the time. The last while I’ve realized that I haven’t been hearing as much, and I want that back. And I wonder why I don’t hear, but if I really think about it, I think I know why. For quite a while now (years, in fact) God has asked that I fast and make quiet times to pray, which I haven’t done. It’s disobedience through procrastination. Like Paul says, “I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”(Rom. 7:15)