Just like every time I stop journaling for a while and then try to sit down and write some of my thoughts, I am overwhelmed with all that has happened and am unsure of where to begin. So, I’m just going to jump in and not start at the beginning.
Bruce and I have been taking introduction to Orthodoxy classes the last couple of weeks. We have known we would be taking these since the beginning of the year. When we first thought we were going to take them, it was before my mom died. A lot has happened since then.
Since I have been back home, I don’t feel as though I’ve accomplished much. I’ve been working and doing all the regular routine things. There are many things that take up our time, and many things I let waste my time.
I’ve reached a point of complete tiredness again. Lately I’ve had low self-esteem and am worried about being lazy or people thinking horrible things about me but not telling me. I also feel like withdrawing and not doing anything. None is true, of course. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling like that.
Back to the Orthodox thing. I’m reading a book called “The Way – What Every Protestant Should Know About the Orthodox Church” by Clark Carlton. I’m only on chapter 3, but the point has already been made that Orthodoxy is the only Church, it is a completely different religion from Protestantism, and now that I am reading this book and taking classes about what Orthodoxy is, if I don’t become Orthodox I will be judged more harshly because “the truth” has been revealed to me and to reject the Orthodox Church at this point would mean that I am rejecting Christ himself. Not a good thing to come to a realization about when I’m already feeling like crap.
It doesn’t help that I’ve also been eating everything and anything, particularly junk food. I tried fasting one day last week and someone brought doughnuts to work. Well, I lasted until 2ish before I had a doughnut. Talk about lack of self control. As if my jeans aren’t already too tight.
I should probably just go to bed. Sleep always does wonders for my outlook on life.
2 comments:
Wow. How to respond...well, first of all, you caught me! I have been thinking horrible evil thoughts about you. Wait a minute! Those thoughts weren't about you, they were about my kids massive pile of homework. Ach, I'm always getting things mixed up. As for you, YOU'RE GREAT!!! Now the homework on the other hand, ARRRGGGHH! As for the Orthodox thing, Adelle, you know that to reject orthodoxy is not to reject Christ Himself. The Bible teaches us that our salvation comes, not thru a particular system or symbolism or religious ritual, but thru a relationship with Jesus Christ. His death paid for our sins, and we come personally and boldly to the throne of grace where we converse one on one with the Almighty God. He is our Abba Father, Daddy God. Any rituals or rites simply enhance our personal friendship with Him. I have no problem with the style of worship which the orthodox Christians chose to practice. As long as they have repented of their sins and committed their lives to Christ we are brothers and sister in Christ. But I will not exclude myself or others who chose to work out their form of worship in a different way. To do so would be to exclude a brother or sister, with whom I may be one day sitting beside in heaven.
Hey, I love you. Dion't forget that, sis.
Janet
Thanks, Janet. The book I’m reading is a little heavy-handed and very black and white. It actually isn’t telling me much about Orthodoxy but seems to be tearing down Protestantism to say that Orthodoxy is right. And I said I would listen and try to hear the truth, even if I didn’t like the truth. But when I was reading, it made me wonder if all my experience with God has been false, if I’ve been in a false system. Actually, there was a point this last week when I felt very strongly that God was telling me that I really do have a relationship with Him, even if I’m not Orthodox. I think I must be feeling a little depressed, because that’s usually when I feel the worst about myself. Thanks for the encouragement. It was nice to hear. I love you, too.
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